Forch’N Telling: August 30th, 2009. DEPORT DORA!!!

What the hell are we trying to teach our kids with children’s programming these days?
I am the proud parent of a Three year old little girl, as well as a Three year old niece and newborn nephew, and I fear that we’re teaching our kids the wrong message with the programming we offer them.
To put [...]

What the hell are we trying to teach our kids with children’s programming these days?

I am the proud parent of a Three year old little girl, as well as a Three year old niece and newborn nephew, and I fear that we’re teaching our kids the wrong message with the programming we offer them.

To put it quite bluntly, I am scared out of my gourd!

Now before you say: Forch, what the hell are you thinking? Hear me out, because I tell you, there are some hidden agendas that might come out of the woodwork because of these kids shows…

Case in point. Dora The Explorer, and her inbred cousin Diego.

What the hell is Nickelodeon trying to pull off by putting these shows on the air?

First off, Dora.

I want to know first of all, why the hell are Dora’s parents so non-challant about the fact that their daughter is traveling through the Mexican countryside with a disease ridden monkey?

I mean, seriously?

Don’t tell me that Boots isn’t some kind of “Outbreak Monkey”! The damned monkey wears boots, so at the very least, he’s got Athlete’s Foot or some kind of Fungus on them. And her parents just let her hang out with him, and even let him sleep over at the casa.

Now I have no idea how old Dora is. I would say between 5 and 7. And her parents let her roam free through swamps, forests and pink oozing geysers without the lightest bit of supervision! It’s like they’re encouraging a kidnapper to take her hostage, and have Dora’s parents pay their hard-earned pesos to get her back. But then again, they may actually be trying to get rid of her, which supports my claim of non-supervision.

Especially since they are well aware that a Kleptomaniac fox is following their Daughter and that Outbreak monkey at every turn!

And speaking of Swiper, what the hell is with him? I mean I get the stealing bit, but why the hell does he just toss it away all willy-nilly? Unless he’s some kind of Adreniline junkie, just trying to get a Klepto-fix!

And then of course, There’s Tico The Purple Squirrel that can drive, and Benny The Bull, who’s Blue… And a host of other talking characters that quite frankly give me the creeps!

And her cousin, Diego is no better! With the exception that there are no talking animals to pester Diego, the show itself on the whole is not much more helpful.

It must be a family tradition to let your children run free untethered, because Diego’s parents, which I can’t figure out how Dora and Diego are related, let him roam free ALL AROUND THE WORLD in this case. Probably because he is a little older than his cousin, so his boundaries are much further.

At least Diego is doing something constructive like rescue an animal, all Dora does is bring a pie to Grandma, or win a soccer game. Nothing worth going through a snake infested lake for!

And while we’re on the subject. Where the hell does one get a talking Map from? No, I am not talking about a GPS, a literal map that talks in a whiny Woody Allen type voice. Or even a talking backpack that doesn’t eat out of its mouth, but from the top of its head!

Doesn’t make a word of sense. And neither does Max and Ruby.

Max and Ruby is just as bad as Dora. It tells the story of Ruby and Max, two bunnies who apparently live with no parental supervision AT ALL! Well, their Grandmother lives down the street, but where the hell are these kids’ parents?

Ruby cleans, cooks, gardens, she does everything, even bathes Max, which can lead me to only one conclusion. Ruby is Max’s mom.

But she’s covering it up, by pretending that she’s Max’s sister. It’s all a cover-up to keep the town from talking about how much of an unwed-teenage whore she is!

There! I said it! Ruby is a whore! It’s true! I have exposed her for the charlatan that she is! There’s a reason that people coined the term “Multiply like Rabbits” and Ruby is no exception… She’s looking for a Carrot, and not the Orange Crunchy Type!

But that’s just my opinion…. What do I know???

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